Well....

3 and half months in, and here I am. My life is a soap opera. Let me give the story. About a month after Dh died, I went to the gyno for my yearly exam. He found a mass. Did a...probe, adn foumd a grapefruit sized cyst on my right ovary. Did the blood cancer test, and my marker was 125. I ddin't worry too much, as a cyst can cause high numbers. He was going to send me to a dr local for surgery, but when the marker came back, he routed me to a gyn oncologist. Yeah, you see where this is going. :( She did the surgery, robotically, got out the syst, also on on my left ovary, along with ovarys, tubes, and uterus. Sent them off for pathology, and I stayed the night in hospital. Results were cancer in both ovaries and uterus. Endometrial stage 3. Not in surrounding tissue or lymph nodes. So right now I'm waiting to be insurance approved for a chest/abdomen scam to see if it's spread there. I'm healing well from surgery, did not need a walker, was up and moving about same day I came home. But cancer, yall. I have cancer, and no husband. Yay me. My will is completed, with instructions for my 14 yr old sons future. I've been talking to sister about my wishes on this and that, just in case. She's really stepped up, taking me to the dr, showing up for my surgery, along w nephew, too. Theres a story there, not sure if I shared it during covid or not. I'm glad, weve never been close, 12 years between us, but I do love her. Anyway, she, and my MIL have really been good support. MIL went through lung cancer a few years ago, so she has some insight. I'm trying to keep my eyes on God. He already knows how this turns out anyway. I won't say I didn't go through a VERY dark phase after Dh died. I'm not proud of it, let me be clear. I's a wonder I still have a steering wheel on my car, or a voice. Also a wonder if He forgives me the things I said, called Him, and thought during that time. I have repented, and mybe one day I'll tell that story. But I have to get through this first. I can tell you, grieving for Dh kind of took a back seat to this. Bc as much as I hate being there without DH, leaving our son is not a option I want or choose. My focus is on him, and surviving, God willing. Dh isn't coming back, but son is still here and needs lifelong guidance, and I'm his mom. But I"m also praying that if I must, I let him go, into Gods hands, while I leave here for eternity. I guess I should share some happy news to brighten this, but there isn't much. I started a new job at a local elementary school cafeteria. Accepted the job two weeks after Dh died, bc I needed the longer hours. I didn't know about the cancer then. But, I hate it. It's not a fun environment as is DQ. There's me and one other lady, and the boss. Very dry people, and we all work separately, never joke around, and don't feel like a team. Widows fog is very real, bc I cannot count the damn milk right for anything. Boos took that over. How shameful. :( So depending on what treatment I need, and Dr did say I would need it, I will likely just look for something else as I heal from all this. I do not want to do this long term, even if you do get paid during summer with no work. It's not a happy place for me, but rather, depressing. Huh, not very uplifting news, I guess. I'm drawing closer to God, so theres that. So, keep praying for me, in all ways. And don't put off your annual gyn visit!! Cancer, yall. Fuck cancer. That is all.