Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Not ready for this....

We are at a crossroads in regards to Dh's kidney pain.
There is nothing else his doctors can do for him, aside from going on heavy pain medication from
a pain clinic. He and I do not want that. He couldn't work, would barely function, ect. Not a choice.

So, he has decided, after much prayer, and us talking with each other, and family, and our pastor, to have a double nephrectomy. In other words, he's going to have BOTH kidneys taken out, and go directly on dialysis. He called his doctor Monday morning to tell her to start the paperwork, and went to his job to update them as well.

In all honesty, we knew this was coming. He is in stage 5 after all. His GFR is stable at 14%, and many people go down to 5% before they need dialysis. However, the pain is the issue here. Not everyone has pain, or so severe.

His doctor wanted so badly to keep him off dialysis as long as possible, and he tried to bear it. As it is, his phosphorus? levels are at 4.10, and if they go up to 5, it's dialysis anyway. So it would likely happen this year anyway. Still, this is a terrifying decision, to give up two organs that you need to live, even if there is a way to help you.

This is not touching on the financial aspects of this, how we will manage while he's out of work 6 weeks (short term disability is only 60% of his check), if he will even be able to go back to work after, and what we will do then (long term through his work is also 60%).  In 2 years we need to refinance our house, and I worry about having the money and good credit for that. Overload!

I am having anxiety attacks at work, but managing to work through them. Dh is feeling drugged, dazed, not himself. I am scared out of my mind, b/c I read somewhere that life expectancy on dialysis is around 10 years. There is no guarantee that he will ever get one. He could die without ever receiving a kidney, even after many years.

I need prayer, y'all. I KNOW that God has this, and I need to trust and rest in Him. I know He works all things to our good. But I am having a hard time overcoming the fear. I like things planned out, to know the way things are going. Of course, I also know that life isn't like that. Makes for interesting times for me, y'all. :)

I admit, I want things smooth and uncomplicated, no problems, no issues, and if they do come up, I want God to 'fix' it or offer the way out. I'm lazy that way, sigh. Join the crowd, maybe? He has overcome the world, and I know that we will have trouble. I know life isn't about houses, or money, or any 'stuff'. I need to let go and trust on a real level, not just words.

I envy the early missionaries who left their homes for foreign countries, perhaps for life, not knowing the language, customs, or even if they'd survive. I want that kind of faith.

Pray for me, please.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Everybody else is doing it....

So why don't I?
GOALS, y'all!! lol

I quit making these years ago when I realized I was just doing the same things every year, but never following through on them. Why bother, right? So here's a new attempt at things I think I can actually do, at least in part.

1. Meet up with the homeschool group each time, or most of the time they meet.
We missed most of last year b/c of health, time, money, ect.
2. Use all of those dang cookbooks I hoard/have. Try new recipes, bake more (cakes/bread).
Over the holidays, I ordered around 20 more. Help me!! Heehee
3. Read my Bible more, pray more deeply.
4. Quit or cut down on a number of bad habits, and/or cut them out altogether.
This one is a private list, I ain't sharing everything with y'all! lol
5. And skirting dangerously close to 'exercise/lose weight' is, be more active, or more purposely active. Walk to the mailbox (a nice stroll down our long driveway), around the pond (once it's mowed back there), ect. Use our home gym (rower and bowflex) at least once a week, if only for 5 minutes.

There might be more, as the year goes along, but those are what's on my mind right now.

I do love cookbooks, and browsing through them. I love to read travel/food memoirs.
I'll do a post on that soon.

Now that Drake, and I, have made new friends, I'm hoping that better attendance at the co ops will encourage him to speak more. Mayhaps N will help with this, easing Drake into the cliques that one finds everywhere. We've already planned to join them on Jekyll Island the 18th for a treasure hunt and byo-picnic lunch. Drake seemed excited about it!

Like many, I pray throughout the day, talk to the Lord, ect. But I don't really set aside a time to focus on prayer and praise. I used to do this, starting off with a hymn from my hymnal *usually praying through it, too), then moving into a chapter or verses of the Bible. Often I would use the Bible in a year guide. It helped me a lot, emotionally and spiritually.

Moving intentionally, not just at work, or around the house/daily stuff. My weight holds steady, but I need to lose around 50lbs, and that won't happen the way I"m going. So I figure if I work in 5 min of exercise on the rower, or a walk to the mailbox once a week or so for a month or two, then increase that to more times a week, it will become a habit I can stick with.  I refuse to commit to a specific number of times a week, b/c then I will surely fall behind and want to give up/feel like a failure. Baby steps!

Bad habits. Well, we all have those, right? I'll work on them, like the other stuff, bit by bit. Increasing prayer and Bible time will surely help me here. And in other things, as God so often does. :)

So there, my chickies, is my version of the 'New Year's Resolutions' list.
Nothing earth shattering, but it's a start, and isn't that what the New Year is all about?


Wednesday, December 26, 2018

A Merry Late Christmas!

I am such a sloth, lol.
Anyway, the goings on here are as follows:

Drake and N had a 2nd playdate. N seemed really competitive this time, and Drake got a bit
frustrated by that. He's not as strong or fast as other kids, and they often take advantage. Perhaps
with time this will work out between them. We'll get together again in the new year.

Christmas was wonderful. Gathered with my family at my nephew's new house, then on to MIL's.
Our niece and her fiancé weren't there, having gone to his parents for the evening, but we had a great
time with MIL. Lots of loot. They are far too generous, but we are grateful.

We missed communion on Christmas Eve at church. No update was given on the FB page, and we haven't been to church in a long time. Every time Dh's off, seems like he hurts, and I only get Sundays off if I ask. It's been a spotty year for attendance on our part. Hope to do better in the new year.

2 days in a row off!! Yesterday and today. I am spoiled silly. Loving it. I adore being home, and
wish I didn't have to work, sigh. But, you do what you have to, eh? Back to the grind tomorrow.

I channeled my inner Italian (of which I actually have none, my people being from Great Britain only), and made cookies on my new Pizzelle iron. Lemon, with powdered sugar. I also baked them
5 min in the oven to really crisp up. They are delicious, but dry. Def need a tall glass of milk with these.

Next time I think I'll try coconut extract, then root beer!!, banana, chocolate, ect. Also, the traditional anise. I also have a rosette/timbale iron/s on the way. I'll update about that when they get here and I try them out.

Ds is sick today with a tummy bug. :(  Started last night as a sore throat, and then at 5:45am today, the vomiting started. Not too bad, and we now have meds for that. Not strep or flu, so that's a plus.

The day's have been in the 70s here in SE Georgia, and I am loving it. Bright and sunny. Makes me happy. Our porch is getting good use lately. :)

Well, that's about all for now. More later!

Friday, December 14, 2018

It's a date!

So, the playdate finally happened this morning!

L and N came over around 10 and the boys played for 3 hours happily. L and I talked and
laughed and really enjoyed ourselves, getting to talk to another adult with common interests.
We plan to do it again as soon as we can.

It's another rainy day here, but pretty mild, temp wise. 66, actually.
Back to work tomorrow and Sunday, then our Christmas party is Monday evening. I need to
finalize what food I'm going to take. Maybe meatballs in a cheesy sauce? I'll figure it out after
discussions at work and I have a better idea of what they normally do.

Our tree is up and decorated, except for the star. I am so lazy, lol. I'll see if DH will do that.
There are several decorations around the 3 main rooms of our house, but I didn't do the guest
bath this year *it's Mario now, and Drake likes it that way, I"m also not putting up a tree in the
dining room or our bedroom. I'll  miss my candy tree in the dining room, but I just don't feel
like dealing with it this year. With Dh hurting, it all falls on me to both decorate and clean up.
Just not feeling it this time.

Our pastor's sermon last Sunday was The Mother of all Christmas Stories, featuring Mary!
I"m so happy to see this, b/c being Baptist, the mother of our Lord doesn't usually get much
"airtime". I'll catch it on pod cast when I have a quiet hour.

Most of our Christmas shopping is done, just a few gift cards to pick up. I'm setting the table each week of December, but am lazy about taking pics. It's all stuff I did last year, anyway. Who can afford to have different mats and stuff each year, lol? Still, it's fun and pretty, and makes me happy.

Hope your December is blessed!

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Rain and colds and weddings, Oh, my!

It is a gray, blah, day here in SE Georgia. Matches the current mood pretty well, I'd say.

Last week, when we met with the 'new friend' and played at the park, it was chilly and breezy.
Welp, I came down with a cold. Sore throat, sniffles, a cough. Missed work yesterday. Off today for my nephews wedding. Still sick.

We had a playdate scheduled today with the friend, but Drake declared he had a sore throat and actually 'asked' for medicine! So no playdate, and no attending the wedding this afternoon, either.
Dh will go, and the two sickies will stay home.

Actually, despite the negativity, I'm looking forward to it. Seems like every day that I have off, I have to go back into town for something. Ugh, it gets tiresome! I never get to just stay home anymore. Well, I intend to enjoy this day, as much as a stopped up nose and head will allow.

I'll nap again, as I was up at the crack of dawn. Lay around reading, do a bit of laundry, maybe bake some brownies later. Even later, I may cook hashbrown casserole for supper, one of our favorites. I have a freezer full of chicken and ham, but as Dh picked up KFC for us last night, I am tired of the bird. Pigs it is! lol.

Here's my recipe:

1 bag  of O'Brian hash browns *the ones with peppers and onions in them if you can find them
1 large container of sour cream
1 an cream of chicken, or celery, soup
1 bag of shredded Colby jack cheese
Herbs and garlic/pepper to season
Diced ham, around 1 to 1.5 cups. Remember, it's salty so don't add salt!

Mix the sour cream and soup.
Blend this with the hashbrowns, herbs, ham, half the cheese.
Place in a baking dish 9x13
Bake at 400 til bubbly. You might have to cover to keep from burning/drying out
Top with remaining cheese, and let melt in the oven.

Dh never turns down leftovers of this, and there is never any left over to throw out. It's just that good. Of course, the more cheese you use....   :D

Hope your day is bright and cheerful and free of ickies!

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

He has a new title now!!

As of today, he's not just a son, a grandson, a nephew...he's now a FRIEND!!

Drake spoke today, and it blew me out of the water.

A bit of backstory. Last night/Sunday night, as I was lying in bed with him before he fell asleep, he confided in me that he was lonely, and wanted a real friend. It broke my heart. I prayed later that I'd give up having a friend of my own *different story*, if God would send one for Drake.

 We talked about how he has to try to be brave, doing small steps like not hiding or turning away from people, just giving a wave, or saying 'hi'. Small stuff at first.

Then, as per his therapist's advice, we practiced mock conversations. I pretended to be a little boy and we did a back and forth of things to say and talk about. Hi/how are you/what's your name/what are you doing?/favorite games, foods, ect.

This morning/Monday, we met the homeschool group for a movie at the local theatre. No one approached him, and he kind of stood behind a column while we waited for everyone to get there, then we watched the movie *The Grinch, highly recommend. After, we took a picture of the group, and dispersed. I figured it was a fun day over all.

We went to McD's for lunch, and one of the mom's happened to show up there with her son. They had gone to a nearby Japanese restaurant, but it was closed, so they changed plans. I smiled at her, we talked a bit about the movie, then I got our food and sat down with Drake. They came over soon after and asked to sit next to us. Of course, I said yes, hoping for a 'talking chance'.

After a bit of basic back and forth with the mom, I asked the son's name, then introduced Drake.
Drake actually gave a quick wave and 'hi'!! Then, he asked Nathan what he was doing, and if he was bored! Who is this child and where is my own? Y'all, I about cried in the middle of Mickie D's.

The boys began a conversation, Drake went over on the other side of the tables nearest Nathan, while I spoke to the mom. THEN, b/c it gets even better, Nathan told his mom that Drake asked him if he could come to our house to play!!! Drake asked him if they could be friends, and when Nathan said yes, Drake jumped up and down with joy.

We went to a local park and the boys played for over an hour without getting bored. We plan to get together soon, and I am so overwhelmingly happy, grateful, and blissed out. God had His hand all over this! Please be in prayer for Nathan's family, our family, and future friendships.

Nathan's mom is a year older than I, they live in a mobile home as well, her husband was a pastor for 12 years, only the one child, she likes antiques and thrift stores, ect, I think WE may become friends as well!

Looks like my 'gratitude list' just got a bit longer!

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Always something....

To be thankful for!!

  • Dh is off today, as am I, so we get the day together.
  • We are hosting a small group at our home, so I pray my brother and his girlfriend will be blessed.
  • Drake is showing bravery lately, whether due to a new medicine (anti anxiety), or b/c there are KITTENS hanging around, we're not sure. He's been out in the yard multiple times a day, including at NIGHT, alone! (of course, we keep the door open and an eye on him. We are very rural, so few worries)
  • We have two more homes to visit later today, MIL's, and our nephew's. Family and Food time!
  • Dh's paychecks are looking good at this time, so we will get ahead with medical bills and such.
  • His pain is manageable at this time, no ER or dr trips for more help.
And of course, our families, country, and even this big, beautiful, world we live in.
But most of all, for the precious Gift of our Saviour, and the Salvation He offers.

God is good, ALL the time!

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!