He's my brother.
My brother died today. Od'd in the bathroom of a drug dealers house with a needle in his arm.
It wasn't a surpise, when the coroner called, I knew what it was about.
My brother was an addict most of his life, and could be mean and vengeful. When he was straight, he wasn't a bad guy. Like most addicts, life/people were always against him. Always someone else's fault. Well, not this time. He put the needle in his arm, and brought us all this point.
He was baptized around 8, though at that age it's hard to say about true belief and understanding. He was 8 years older than I was, gave me horsey back rides until I got heavy enough it hurt his back. he loved a good looking car, gave our grandparents fits when I was growing up. He could cook very well, kept a clean house.
He took care of our mama when she was sick with Alz, moving in w her, though that was mainly due to impending homelessness. He pawned a lot of her stuff. If I hadn't had her house/car in my name, my sister and I would have had a fit with it after she died. He was selfish like that, held grudges.
He loved a good joke, had a beautiful smile. Thick, curly, dark hair, always seemed so tall to me, until these later years of bad health. He'd had 2 toes amputated, a heart attack or two, bad neuropathy in his feet. I saw him usually once or twice a month, to give him his SS check, and to take his mail to him if I forgot on check day. I saw him last a few days ago, he was fine. Hurting in his feet, as always.
We said I love you before I got in the car and left. I didn't always like my brother, but I loved him just the same.
May God have mercy on the soul of my brother, Craig Stephens. 1965-2020.
I'm so sorry about your brother. Sending you hugs and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Regina.
DeleteOh, Tammy. I am so, so sorry. No matter how bad someone is we love them for who they are-not for what they do/become. My heart aches for you. I do believe that we are not to judge and only hope that God saw through the addiction and into the heart of the man that loved family and believed before drugs turned him. xo Diana
ReplyDeleteThank you ND. He would call me sometimes, and I always dreaded it, b/c usually it was to ask for money. Not always though, quite a bit, it was just to see how we were, asked ab DH, Drake. He was in that way, a better brother to me than I was a sister to him. I need forgiveness for that. But yes, like us all, he was a mix of good and bad. Sometimes the good won out, and sometimes not. Remembering addicts can be such a struggle for those that remain. Grief, guilt, anger, pity, a whole tornado of emotions that will only be softened with time. Thank you for your sweet words.
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